Laina: A Prescription Almost Ended a Life

Nashua, NH--Growing up, Laina was a good student. She had lots of friends and was nominated homecoming queen in high school, yet she never felt comfortable in her own skin. When she started using drugs as a teenager, she found they helped reduce her anxiety and made her feel like she fit in. 

“I felt like I was on a pedestal in the middle of a crowd screaming and no one could hear me,” said Laina. “The drugs took away my inhibitions and fears.” 

“After walking through hell, the coolest thing ever is coming out the other side being able to give another person who’s going through hell the love and support they need.” — Laina

In college, Laina was diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder that caused tumors to grow in her feet. Her doctor prescribed cortisone shots and painkillers hoping that these would provide relief. After nearly a year on the shots and painkillers, however, she learned that she would still need surgery.  

After Laina’s surgical wounds healed, her doctor stopped prescribing painkillers for her. She immediately became sick, without realizing the cause. Her boyfriend at the time pointed out it was likely her lack of painkillers causing the illness, so Laina started buying them off the street. “I didn’t think it was a big deal because the doctor had prescribed them,” she said. Taking the pills later evolved into abusing them. When opioid painkillers became more difficult to buy off the street, it didn’t slow her habit – the price just went up. At one point, Laina was spending $300 a day to curb her addiction.  

After about five years of using painkillers, Laina started a new relationship with a man who was using heroin. The relationship introduced her to a new group of heroin-using acquaintances. Pretty soon, Laina was using heroin too. 

“I remember as a teenager thinking drinking and party drugs were okay, but I’d never do heroin,” said Laina. “Then later on, when I found myself doing heroin I’d think, ‘well it’s just same as painkillers, right’?” 

She continued to brush aside signs her substance use disorder was worsening.

“My mom is diabetic, and she uses needles, so I figured it was okay to shoot up. Plus, it was cheaper,” said Laina. “I was injecting heroin multiple times a day. Pretty soon I didn’t recognize myself. I was like a shell of a person walking around.” 

To fund her drug use, Laina stole a credit card, military ID, and $5,000 from her boss’ bank account. She was arrested six times and faced five misdemeanors, two felonies, and a federal felony for theft of a military ID. At every court date, Laina lied, claiming that anxiety and being off her prescribed medication had led to her actions. She also said she was no longer using. 

After her last arrest, Laina begged her mother to bail her out. Once at home, however, Laina immediately borrowed money to go get high. 

Despite the fact that many people in her life were concerned about her, Laina continued to use drugs. Her addiction was out of control.  “I intersected with so many people in addiction or when I was getting in trouble, and any one of them might have been the catalyst for change – and believe me they wanted to be -- but it didn’t happen that way,” said Laina. There was no dramatic moment or momentous decision that led to her quitting heroin, she eventually just trailed away from the habit. 

No longer using heroin meant she was forced to deal with the consequences of her actions.  “I wasn’t sick anymore, but I was miserable,” said Laina. “I had all these feelings and no idea how to handle them.” Struggling under the weight of newfound emotions, she continued to drink heavily.

Then, a stroke of good luck: a man in her mother’s building knocked on her door and told her to get to a meeting. Laina took his advice and went to her first 12-step meeting shortly afterward. There, she found a community within a room full of strangers. “I was a mess, and I went to meeting where the people just loved me. I never looked back,” said Laina. She no longer felt lost or alone; whenever Laina needed help, a person in her fellowship reached out, gave her a ride, took her to a meeting. 

On her journey to recovery, Laina first also volunteered and then later worked at recovery centers, advancing her own recovery while also learning how to help others. Beyond supporting her sobriety, recovery helped Laina find her voice. She learned to create and respect boundaries, and how to love herself. 

It was at SOS Recovery Community Organization, funded through Harbor Care’s Peer Recovery Support Services programming, where Laina was connected to an attorney who helped her settle her outstanding warrants. Her recovery community also helped by sending letters of support to the judge. Her aunt, who had witnessed Laina’s struggles for years, paid her fines. 

After years of feeling like her past actions were hanging over her head, Laina was able to get a plea deal that allowed her to get her license and work again. In April, 2020, Laina marked four years in recovery. She is now working as a project manager for Harbor Care and is a Certified Recovery Support Worker.

“After walking through hell, the coolest thing ever is coming out the other side being able to give another person who’s going through hell the love and support they need,” said Laina. 

If you or a loved one is struggling with addiction, Harbor Care can help. Learn about our residential and outpatient substance use disorder treatment services, including Medication Assisted Treatment options for alcoholism and opioid use, as well as a specialized Methamphetamine Treatment program.